We’ve all heard about the seven-year itch. Remember Billy Wilder’s classic romantic sex farce in the ’50s about the mid-life crisis of the American male. In The Seven Year Itch Marilyn Monroe does a brilliant turn as a young blonde, awesomely curved bombshell with a giggly-girl voice who moves into an apartment above a middle-aged man, whose wife and son have left town for the summer vacation. She completely turns his life upside down, unleashing torrential fantasies. The film became somewhat of a touchstone in debates about mid-life blues.

It’s time to forget the seven-year itch. Millennium marriages appear to be careening into the danger zone within seven months of saying “I do” – both the world over, and increasingly in India. Well, I exaggerate, but in many corners of the world getting to the seventh year of marriage is something to be celebrated, deserving of a pat on the back actually. Once you get past that signpost, god, fate and genes willing, you are likely to make it to the silver or golden anniversary. And these days even the diamond anniversary. With the same spouse that is.

But something rather unusual seems to be happening on the marital landscape in the United States: the emergence of the late-life divorce. Once upon a time not too long ago a middle-aged couple, even a senior one, would grin and bear it – leading separate lives, often of quiet desperation, under one roof. Evidently, it is no longer ‘till death do us part’ but until boredom moves in. The silver-haired brigade has begun to head for the courts, with couples divorcing after decades of marriage. There are even instances of octogenarians and nonagenarians calling it quits and going their separate ways.

I happen to be in Washington D.C. visiting my daughter and her family. Since this is not a work-related trip I can indulge myself reading all that comes my way, and spending long hours in front of the television learning about what is happening to American society and the societal landscape. The media here has been full of debates, scientific studies, editorials, feature articles and polls about the perceived trend of grey divorces. Commentators seem to be concerned about the state of marriage itself. And, couples are worried about the fate of their own marriages.

What sparked interest in the subject was the public announcement made by Al and Tipper Gore that they were separating after 40 years of marriage. The former American vice-president and his wife said that they were parting because they had grown apart. It was as simple as that. The declaration had the effect of a bomb detonating. Nobody had a clue; there wasn’t even a whiff of scandal about what was seen as a shining example of a perfect marriage. The Gore marriage was considered to be rock solid, with nothing naughty lurking in the shadows – as was the case with Bill Clinton, the President whose VP he was.

In her recent, thought-provoking article in The New York Times, wittily titled, The Forty Year Itch, Deirdre Bair (she is the author of Calling It Quits: Late-Life Divorce and Starting Over) analyses the avid speculation over the Gores splitting. She also looks at the emerging trend of late-life divorces and examines the reasons why. Divorce lawyers she interviewed told her that the “fastest-growing segment of their clientele is the middle-aged and elderly”.

Significantly, it wasn’t “husbands running off with someone new, leaving wives alone and bereft”. It seems the shoe was now getting to be on the other foot. According to the lawyers Bair spoke to, women initiated late-life divorces more often than men did. Moreover, “if the divorced woman wanted a new partner, she usually found one”.

What women really want is a man for all seasons. And not just that but a different one for different stages in their lives. Anthropologist Margaret Mead, according to Bair, came to the conclusion early on in the last century that every woman needs three husbands in her lifetime. She required ‘one for youthful sex, one for security while raising children and one for joyful companionship in old age’.

Now that people are living much longer and are generally in better health, they want more out of their golden years. They also want more out of marriage, and life. In this can-do society where the ‘inalienable’ right to the pursuit of happiness has been enshrined in the United States Declaration of Independence, hope often lives eternal.

Some women well into their autumn years and tired of their cul-de-sac lives and marriages long gone dead, are divorcing their spouses because they want another shot at finding a soulmate before it is too late. They want another go at living happily ever after. At some point the good husband is no longer just one who pays the bills and helps bring up the children and doesn’t stray but one who can read his wife and help her realise her potential. At any rate by this time the children have grown up and set up their own nests.

Perhaps this is the right time for a Mills & Boon imprint of geriatric romances. Were I to write one, my heroine would be a woman in her 60s who divorces her husband of 40 years because she wants to pursue her dream of being a painter. She excels at portraits. One day she is asked to do a portrait of a famous writer, known to be arrogant and reclusive, rather like Mr Rochester in Charlotte Bronte’s novel Jane Eyre. And then....
Any takers?

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