It was like the showdown at the end of High Noon, when the Sheriff, memorably played by Gary Cooper in the 1952 classic, faces the baddie. Who was going to draw first? Except in this case it was not mid-day out in the sweltering sun but a gentle spring evening in the Ball Room of The Imperial hotel in Delhi, glittering with chandeliers and boldly winking solitaires. We had gathered for the wine-fuelled launch of a coffee table book written by one of the capital’s entitled elites.

Here, it was a face-off between a much-travelled socialite designer known for her social prowess (a taste-maker of sorts you could say) and me. Normally, when I came across her there would be the usually pretend cheek-kissing, up-in-the-air kind of thing. We had even reached the three-kiss status of the pecking order. But this time there was a stand-off for an eternally long five seconds, during which the two of us silently deliberated on whether to kiss or not to kiss. The awkward moment passed – no air kisses, just a warm, half-knowing smile and then we continued our pirouetting through the society gathering.

This was not the only baffling impasse that evening – or for that matter during the course of other socialite evenings and ladies farmhouse lunches. Not only did I find myself extending my hand or giving a lukewarm hug instead of proffering a cheek, but noticed that many of the ‘mooah-mooah’ ladies, and even gentlemen, were doing much the same.

Is there, I wonder, a silent shift of tectonic plates taking place under the edifice of social etiquette in our metropolises. Perhaps, the snobs are a bit in retreat from their obeisance to the French rules of social intercourse. Perhaps, the fact that even the aam janta has embraced air kissing– much of it courtesy Bollywood – has resulted in our queen bees and dandies of the beau monde believing that it is time to put out a restraint order on pecks. Of course, the advent of swine flu did its bit in encouraging the reticence.

Come to think of it those whose ascension to the paradise of the chosen ones has already taken place are horrified by the fact that air kissing is in full swing in Bollywood. So, they shrink from this form of greeting, trying in true earnestness to find new visual and verbal avatars of the stiff upper lip. Ah yes, apropos the-paradise-on-earth for the wannabes: To find a place amongst the chosen in our times, you need an entrée into the inner sanctums of parties and weddings in rooms and areas discreetly cordoned off; a nodding acquaintance with somebody who knows somebody who is friends with somebody who knows somebody who is part of Sonia Gandhi’s inner circle of friends; who has had breakfast with the American president; or possesses a yacht (not a small one mind you) idling in some bit of water off an expensive coastline.

Interestingly, while the ‘mooah-moah’ tribe may appear to be in retreat, the namaste-sayers are multiplying on many rungs of our social ladders, especially in the public realm. Just pay attention the next time you check into one of the hotels belonging to the Taj chain or any of the Oberois. The luxuriantly mustached (often) sentinels at the entrance – as well as the suited staff within the hotels who lead you to the reception – will probably greet you with enthusiastic namastes. Salutes and slight bows are getting to be less ubiquitous. It could be that all the brouhaha about ‘Incredible’ and ‘Shining India’ must have led hotel bosses to tell the staff to proudly brandish their desi roots.

From kisses to conversation
Conversations, even apologies for it, are supposed to follow greetings in social gatherings -- whether they are in the form of Hi, Namaste, How-are-you-I-am-fine, Great-to-see-you, or even those frothy air kisses. Increasingly, however, chatter is muffling conversation. The living rooms of Delhi reverberate with heated discussions about politics: this is a city in which everyone is supposed to have inside information. But it usually adds up to nothing more than people regurgitating what they have heard on television or read about the hot topic du jour.

When not emulating social butterflies who flit from one socially prominent person to another, or professional net-workers who sprint from one potential ‘useful contact’ to an even better one, people tend to engage in competitive banter – about their children, their schools and skills, golf handicaps, vacations, wardrobes and even their gurus. Actually, spirituality has become quite fashionable – an accessory that you wear on your sleeve. I once overheard somebody boast about how his guru had the most VIPs amongst his flock. In other words: my guru is better than your guru.

Perhaps, it’s time we turned in our chatter for meaningful conversations –conversations without agendas. A recent study has shown that people who have deep and meaningful conversations are happier than those who generally talk about trivial matters. The survey undertaken by a group of psychologists from the University of Arizona and Washington University in St Louis came to the conclusion that ‘deep’ conversations have the potential to make people happy while meaningless chatter can prove damaging in the long run. And then there’s always your analysis. But, that’s only one-way conversation.

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