1. Don’t tell anyone. This is critical to a successful elopement. The world is full of the enemies of love (Bollywood will guarantee this). The devoted old governess or the best friend you may tell today may turn informant tomorrow, putting paid to your grand plans. Elopement is a lot like Fight Club: the first rule is that you do not talk about elopement.
2. Don’t tell anyone. See #1.
3. Don’t clean out your bank account. By all means, escape with your chequebook and cards, but sewing cash into your trousseau may cause you to be mistaken for a gangster. As one important objective of elopement is to avoid detection, you will be defeating your purpose should your LVs be hauled up for inspection by a police patrol.
4. Get a marriage licence. There is a list of essentials without which no elopement can sustain itself unto marriage and beyond. These include moral courage, common sense, a getaway vehicle, an ironclad proof of age, a ready roof over the head, and paperwork. Without preparing for the bureaucratic tangle of registering the modern marriage, you may have much explaining to do.
5. Choose your witnesses carefully. They must not be afraid of being slapped in the face by your parents, for example. Nor must they lose their nerve at the last minute. With friends, the situation is delicate: if you ask one, should you not ask the others? Would these friends approve of your impending nuptials? Will they put the brave candle-flame of your romance over their important work meeting, or vacation? These are delicate questions. No; pay a couple of strangers. It cuts a Gordian knot.
6. Wear sensible shoes. If you are the sort of person whose trainers occupy pride of place in your shoe closet, then half your battle is won. Congratulations. Else, we recommend ballet flats over all other footwear. No good can come of a high heel at an elopement, and even less of sandals. (Marriage registries are dusty places. Hell on pedicures.)
7. Hire a photographer. Think ahead to eventual reconciliation. Nothing says ‘wish you were here’ to family and friends alike, than a thoughtful little photo album, preserved for posterity. Well – that and an apology.
8. Marry someone nice. A major reason elopements have a bad reputation is the sheer number of trusting women cheated by sleazy rakes of no character. An eloper need not be a characterless rake at all. While a sense of adventure and independent-mindedness are crucial, it would defeat the purpose to elope with the sort of person you could not envision spending the rest of your life with. (If you have any worries on this count, then perhaps high heels, or other weapons of choice, may be advisable to carry along.)

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