The Nile is ancient. But The Oberoi Zahra, Luxury Nile Cruiser isn’t. It’s young, it’s fun, it’s the hottest thing to hit the Nile. A super glam party launched the luxury boat. And it’s been smooth sailing since. Rather, it’s making waves. Après tout, this all-suite ultra luxury cruiser is the only glamour boat on the Nile. Other boats look like oversized tin cans about to sink under the weight of the hundred million guests aboard. Luckily, only 54 guests are allowed on the 27-suite Zahra.

Its sexy streamlined exterior stuns. The seduction continues as I enter the marble floored reception and am shown around the boat’s swank lounge and bar, up to the library and cigar lounge, down to the private theatre, past crocodile-hide coffee tables and rich cowhide carpets to my très smart suite. An air of slick sophistication pervades. Very James Bond.

The manager materialises. I hiccup. He’s about 30. And the chef? He looks 16. I’m beset with trepidation. Two boys are running this boat? But these ‘boys’ are to do a splendid job.
My day begins as every other will for the next seven days on this voyage from Luxor to Aswan. The spacious suite accommodates all my yoga positions, sparing me collisions of head with cupboard or leg with bed at every move. Yoga safely over, ablutions time. No milk bath, Cleopatra style. Only an invigorating shower in my glass-encased marble and mosaic bathroom with magnificent river views, which, of course, modesty compels me to block out during the showering process, but don’t feel obliged to...

Then, it’s time for one of the day’s most sacred rituals: breakfast. I’m not a breakfast person, but the Zahra’s breakfasts with exotica like fresh guava juice and pomegranate yoghurt had me addicted. After the first day, the impressively attentive waiters remember my preferences. My favourite cheeses and fruit appear at the table as I arrive. The Egyptian sous chef tries to pile my plate insisting, “You should be fat like Egyptian women!” whilst the endearing staff joke amongst themselves about who makes the best iced coffee.

Breakfast finishes by 9 am because sightseeing starts early to avoid the crowds. A well-designed itinerary based on extensive research and private docking facilities ensure near exclusive visits of monuments. This brings us up close and personal with the mythic world of Ancient Egypt. The leisurely programme schedules about two sightseeing expeditions per day. We convene at the reception at the appointed hour where each guest receives a bottle of water and Tapan, the manager, sees us off almost like a mother seeing her children off to school, except that instead of a school bus, slick black vans, equipped with their own guide, dispatch us in style to monuments.

The first visit on the Luxor-Aswan itinerary is the Luxor Temple of Amun Ra, with its proliferation of statues of Ramses the Great. Clearly, Ramses loved himself. The Roman and Muslim conquests of Egypt are manifest in the frescos and mosque respectively.
Visit over, we’re driven back to the boat where a reception party welcomes us back with refreshing jasmine scented towels (the fragrances change daily) and Tapan is there, as ever, to ensure that nobody got hijacked and all was fine.

The same steps are repeated as we’re conveyed to and from the Karnak temple for the evening’s sound and light show, which is pretentious and tedious. But when we return to Karnak for sightseeing, we’re floored by the magnificence of this monumental construction that starred in the Bond film The Spy Who Loved Me. Even if Karnak isn’t the world’s oldest and largest temple as guides claim, it is one of the most astonishing.
Our cruise includes visits to museums, the Valley of the Workers and the famed and fascinating Valley of the Kings where Tutankhamun’s mummy is displayed for the first time in his tomb.

The most comprehensive tour of temples includes the temple of Ramses III and Egypt’s most famous queen Hatshepsut who declared herself king. Her recently identified mummy confutes intriguing conspiracy theories that her stepson ‘eliminated’ her. She probably succumbed to obesity… Nocturnal visits to the temples of Hathor and Horus with their labyrinthine recesses and hieroglyphics-adorned walls and pillars mesmerise. We gasp at Komombo’s mummified crocodiles and at our guide’s contention that Egyptian women walked on crocodiles to be cured of infertility! We’re awestruck at Philae’s relocated island temple, transposed stone by stone like in Abu Simbal.

For a week we rub shoulders with or, more appositely, have an intimate tête-à-tête with the pharaohnic animal headed gods: the cow-headed Hathor, falken-headed Horus, jackal-headed Anubis, crocodile-headed Sobek, lioness-headed Sekhmet… The Zahra even have the Temple of Hathor hired out for a private cocktail. Wild? Pharaoh-cious!

It’s surreal, the juxtaposition of the most ancient of civi–lisations with the ultimate in modern luxury. The Zahra brings legend to life. And our Egyptologist guide Ahmed makes it larger than life. According to him, “the ancient Egyptians were very clever” and invented astrology, astronomy, mathematics, the “0,” cures for dandruff, infertility, obesity, cancer… Ahmed’s never short for an answer to awkward questions flung at him, although he cannot quite explain the apparent lack of evolution in Egyptian art and architecture over a 2000 year period. His allusions to Dante and Milton impress. But when at the Colossi of Agamemnon he says that Achilles slew Agamemnon, those of us who have read Homer’s Illiad begin to chuckle.

Massages whilst sailing are sensual and the cruise daily allots ample spa time. But for some guests, all time is spa time. The Banyan Tree Spa manager enquires of a guest making lengthy spa appointments, “What about sightseeing, sir?” Some are onboard to languish around. No, they aren’t seen working out in the gym… Fortunately for those who get too large for the Jacuzzi, the Zahra has the biggest pool on any boat on the Nile.

As the day progresses, Egypt’s wonders are revealed off board, whilst on board we discover Chef Siddhartha Chowdhry’s gourmet creations. The daily changing includes Egyptian, Indian, Pan Asian, Continental fare. From spicy Kerala coconut curry to homemade pasta and super spring rolls to top-notch tahini and dolmas, the talented chef has perfected it all. Unforgettable is his Continental menu degustation: the clear courgette and carrot soup I’ve christened ‘Yum Yum’ soup.

On the last night, we hear a guest, remarkable for his sartorial flamboyance, explode in rapture, “The cuisine is excellent! More than excellent!” The gentleman who changed his clothes 6 times a day might not have been able to get into any of them by the end of the cruise! I was told before embarking on the cruise that I’d surely perish of ennui on a 7-day trip. But I find myself longing to get back on the Zahra, even if it’s just to decide who makes cooler iced coffee – Mohammed or that adorable waitress Shirene...