Independence can mean different things at different times. I have a young friend who recently left Mumbai to live and study in a different city because he wanted to experience what it felt like to live on his own, fend for himself, stay with people from all over India in a hostel and so on. The boy was taking a step towards independence.
On the other side of the spectrum is a friend who left a marriage after being in it for 27 years, because the marriage was dead and she was tired of leading a life without integrity. That too is independence. And so is the act of a friend who decided to marry someone who was lesser educated than she was and did not even have a job, simply because he made her happy, although her parents and friends were against it.

Realise your true essence
It’s really not easy to define this thing called independence, but you could say that it is all about realising the essence of who you are so you can be fully yourself at every moment in time. Like all absolutes, this too is difficult and is often a lifetime’s journey, but every step we take towards it is rewarding.
Once, I read a book about a man whose father was a tough, masculine person, who favoured outdoor games, camping and so on. His older brother fit the bill, but our friend loved reading, writing and helping his mother at home. Cruelly derided as a sissy, he became so desperate for his father’s love, that he decided to become what his father wanted him to be. He reinvented himself and became a bluff, hearty person, a high-profile pastor who rallied people to the faith. It was only when his life fell apart, when his wife left him and he became an alcoholic that he picked up the threads of his life and began to discover who he really was. To his astonishment, he found he was actually an introvert, a shy man who had gone against the grain all his life to be what he was not. The book deals with how he learnt to slowly regain his true self.

Shedding the expectations people have of us, the socialising we pick up from our parents, withstanding peer pressure, learning to stand for our choices and views even when they go against the flow, are all part of developing our independence. It’s often a painful journey. There is comfort and safety in following the crowd. And yet, if we do not move towards independence, our life will gradually lose its flavour. Our enthusiasm, our sense of inspiration, our joy of life dulls and deadens. We cannot live a fake life for too long without something within us giving way.

So struggle if you must, but do press towards independence. You might have to sacrifice comfort, but you’ll gain immeasurable happiness, fulfilment, success and so many other things. Let’s face it, the best gift we can ever give the world is who we are, to become our original selves.

Be confident and outspoken
How do we learn to be independent? I think it is a natural outcome of our self-esteem and confidence. The more we learn to deal with the world and find that we can hold our own at work and with family and friends, the more comfortable we feel under our skin and the more we relax and be ourselves.