"Let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about you and me...."

No, seriously, let's talk about 'it'. It's only the most natural, most basic, most essential urge in the world. One without which life would literally come to a halt. And, it's also the one area in our lives that gets swept under the carpet even if we do (or rather, especially if we do) have a problem there.

I mean, how many of us would actually complain to our family doctor/gynaecologist about a flagging libido and ask for help? I know I wouldn't. Most of us don't even take the 'Find Out Where Your Sex Drive Is Headed' quiz in the magazine for fear of being told it's gone too far south to ever make a U-turn.

I wasn't always so forthcoming about it either, but that was before I attended the Pleasure Party. No, it's not what you're thinking - a free-for-all orgy with everyone and everything fair game. Far from it. Organised along the lines of a Tupperware presentation, the party was conducted by women for women, with the main difference being that instead of the neatly piled rows of plastic containers, here stood a table laden with products that screamed 'Erotica!'

We were told very professionally that the main purpose of the evening was to introduce to us toys, games and other accessories that would help us enhance our sex lives. And from the comments I heard from the audience, it was evident that everyone there needed help! There followed titillating lingerie, risqué board games, books on intimate massages along with the requisite lotions and love potions and of course the sex toys. Dildos, vibrators, handcuffs, self-heating pillows and even a massage ring that, when worn on a finger and used to massage (ahem!) oneself, promised to transport the user to the Land of Os!

And while I refuse to divulge who bought what, that evening revealed only too clearly that as we reach our complacent 30s and 40s, we could all do with a fresh look at the most intimate part of our lives. Rejuvenating our sex lives - a vital part of our existence, both at a physical and emotional level - should get the help it needs. These aids are, of course, just one aspect of it. First, let's get the terminology right. While sex is just the act, what we really mean when we use the term 'sex life' is our libido. Libido refers to sexual desires, thoughts and fantasies, all of which add up to your sex life.

While hormones usually get blamed for a low or, as some of my fellow partygoers put it, non-existent libido, they're not always the villains. Various factors affect a woman's sexual urge, depending on the stage of life she's at. New mothers often find themselves sleep deprived and overwhelmed - often to a point where the thought of having sex is enough to lead to a fresh round of postpartum depression. Career-focused years can leave women depleted and stressed, with all their passion going into their jobs and the commute taking its toll, too. Midlife brings its own issues: weight-gain is a common libido killer, combined with the vaginal dryness that often accompanies menopause.

And yes, hormones too play their part. The postpartum and menopause stages (along with the removal of ovaries, chemotherapy and the use of the pill) can cause a woman's testosterone levels to fall. When these levels drop suddenly, libido tends to follow suit. And yet, hormonal shifts are rarely the root cause of low libido. Most often, there's an underlying problem - sudden or prolonged stress, for example, can cause desire to plummet, as can depression or certain medications. A lack of intimacy - sometimes even in a seemingly close, long-term relationship - is another unquantifiable cause.

Real intimacy (and you don't even need to be in a relationship for that) starts with you. Women often have a strong libido when they're feeling especially connected to their bodies (maybe because they're eating well and getting enough exercise) or to their souls (for instance, when work is fulfilling, their family life brings them joy or they have a hobby they feel passionate about).

Making the time and effort to increase this intimacy first with yourself and then with your partner is a critical part of libido recovery. And then of course there are the aphrodisiacs. While not much scientific data exists to bear out their claim to fame as 'sex potions', some researchers do believe that assertions based on historical use usually have some truth. Anyhow, here's a list of some of the better-known natural tonics that should only be indulged in with your doctor's approval.

Chocolate

Cocoa and chocolate promote the release of endorphins in the brain. Endorphins are pleasure messengers that signal feelings of well-being and happiness and may help you become more receptive to sex, opines Hank Wuh, M.D. and author of Sexual Fitness.

Chocolate's components include caffeine, L-arginine, an amino acid involved in sexual responsiveness and phenylethylamine. The last, a natural antidepressant and stimulant, is the 'molecule of love' according to Theresa Crenshaw, M.D. and author of The Alchemy of Love and Lust.

The bottom line is that while cocoa and chocolate are not great sex enhancers, they do recreate the brain chemistry of being in love. It's up to you to use that feeling to enhance your sex life.

Caution: Chocolate is high in calories, and its small levels of caffeine may bother those with sensitivities. It may also cause heartburn, migraines and other allergic reactions.

Coffee and Tea

In one study involving 744 older married couples, researchers found that women who were daily coffee drinkers were more likely to call themselves sexually active - 62 per cent versus 38 per cent - than those who abstained from coffee. In addition, 59 per cent of the coffee-free male subjects reported erectile dysfunction compared with 36 per cent of the coffee junkies. It's possible that the caffeine buzz from coffee - and tea - boosts sexual energy, though the exact correlation has yet to be established. Caffeine is a powerful central nervous system stimulant, and when people get a caffeine buzz, some can feel a sexual buzz as well.

Ask adman Prahlad Kakkar, who most famously used to say, "Tea makes you go in the morning and come in the evening!"

Caution: Too much caffeine may cause insomnia, jitters and irritability.

Gingko

While this herb has no historical reputation as an aphrodisiac, since the '80s studies have shown that it improves blood flow in the brain, slowing the progress of Alzheimer's disease. It also boosts blood flow into the genitals.

At the University of California at San Francisco, researchers gave gingko to 63 men and women suffering sexual side effects resulting from taking antidepressants such as low libido, erectile dysfunction, reduced vaginal lubrication, and loss of orgasm. After two years, the herb had helped 76 per cent of the men and 91 per cent of the women.

If you don't mind weighing in for the long run, gingko is your herb. A maximum of 240 mg a day is safe but check with your health care practitioner.

Caution: Possible side effects include stomach upsets, headaches, rashes, dizziness and heart palpitations. Remember, it is also an anticoagulant and may increase bruising and prolong bleeding.

Ginseng

Long hailed in Asia as a tonic to enhance overall vitality and immunity, ginseng may also help stimulate sexual arousal and could also increase testosterone levels. Studies conducted in Korea have shown that ginseng provides an unquestionable boost for libido in both men and women.

Caution: You need to take enough of it - 900 mg three times a day - for it to have any effect. Possible side effects include caffeine-like reactions and lowered blood sugar.

Shatavari

This herb - Asparagus Racemosus - is the main Ayurvedic tonic used to strengthen the female reproductive system. It is highly nourishing and soothing, and excellent for calming the heart. Taken with milk or ghee, it even helps combat impotence and infertility.

Caution: Check with your doctor before starting this or any other herbal supplement.

Sometimes, herbs alone won't do the trick. In such cases, try the following:

• Exercise vigorously. Studies reveal that people who get regular aerobic exercise experience substantially greater sexual enhancement.
• Stay trim. In a Brown University study, 32 overweight women reported 'significant increases in frequency of sexual activity' after shedding the extra pounds.
• Drink responsibly. Shakespeare was spot on: Alcohol 'provokes the desire, but takes away the performance', quoth he. Not only does it wilt erections, but also impairs women's sexual responsiveness.
• Use a lubricant. KY jelly or plain old Vitamin E from a capsule keeps things running smoothly especially when peri-menopausal vaginal dryness threatens to be a big turn-off.
• Prioritise sex. Don't push it back to the end of the day when you're both exhausted from work and kids. Make sex dates for when you both have the energy to enjoy it.
• Think outside the box. Or bed. Reading erotic literature, watching sexy movies, dressing the part - all add up to a fired- up libido

So, what are you waiting for? Organise your very own Pleasure Party, with a little help from your friendly neighbourhood smuggler to source the goodies, and discover a new lust for life!