Move over Sita, the TV bahus are here. Of course, many of them have moved on to becoming full-blown saas' themselves, making that prophecy come true that first echoed on that momentous night in millions of drawing rooms across the length and breadth of India, as Mummy-Pappa, Chinki-Pinki, Daada-Daadi and other animals settled down to their post-dinner mutter-paneer burps. Kyunki...Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi.

The transition has been swift. In the twinkling of a weekend, last week's bahu is this week's saas. And you realise that only because of the number of times she addresses grown men and women as 'beta'; everything else about her is frozen in time since she had her third daughter (legitimate) by her second marriage to her first husband. Yup, silvery streaks of grey, however subtle are as passé as kurtis and the New Improved Saas crosses over from bahu to saas without sprouting a wrinkle or shedding a falsie….er, I mean false eyelash.

Now, if that's not true to life, then I don't know what is. No, I'm not out of my mind from watching too many saas-bahu serials. As far as I am concerned, nothing can come closer to reality than these wondrous tales, which as we all by now know so well, are kahanis of every Indian ghar ghar ki. There's no need to raise your eyebrows and sneer. Look at the facts of the case.

Kyunki...Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. Age: 1252 episodes, give or take a few. The mother-in-law of all saas-bahu serials. Since it first aired six years ago, it yanked Star Plus out of the gloomy wilderness of an obscure 'gora channel' that nobody watched and made it second to only Doordarshan in terms of viewership. Since then, after the initial slow start, the serial hasn't wavered from occupying at least one of the top three slots of TRP ratings even for a single week. It has made Smriti Z. Iraani into a national icon and almost won her a Lok Sabha seat and, if one news report is true, command the astonishing fee of Rs 50,000 per episode.

Incidentally, I just checked the latest TAM report. The top three shows for the week? Kyunki...Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. Kyunki...Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. Kyunki... Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. The next three? Kahaani Ghar Ghar Kii. Kahaani Ghar Ghar Kii. Kahaani Ghar Ghar Kii. Followed by Kasautii Zindagii Kay, Kahiin To Hoga…. You get my drift. In fact, the top 25 shows on Star Plus are…I'll give you one and a half guesses.

So, to all you people grumbling that these serials are so unreal, so far away from reality and that too in these days of reality TV when even Pinky's mother-in-law is on the telly, I have this to say. What rubbish! These serials are the unshakeable maharanis of prime time television because they reflect what life actually is in the Great Indian 'Mid-dull' class compartment. When Kyunki...Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi's viewership first started to soar higher and quicker than your average heroine's miniskirt, the crowing explanation of the media pundits was that it was stuff that most Indians could empathise with and relate to.

Of course, it was. And, of course, it still is. I mean look at a slice of the life of your average Bharatiya nari. Tulsi Virani. A poor but god-fearing pujari's daughter who marries rich businessman's son and therefore, is naturally hated by her saas for being so LS. (LS is Low Society and how can you not know that!) And despite enough troubles and travails to try the collective patience of 173 saints, 82 sati Savitris and 46 Sitas, she lives a pure, unsullied, selfless existence. Which includes handing over her firstborn son to her barren sister-in-law and other such acts which would have guaranteed her an instant sainthood had she been a real life character. (Who knows. Maybe she is, getting out of the lift to ring your doorbell and join your kitty party even as we speak.)

Fast forward 20 years later which takes about one weekend. And what's so unreal about that? Haven't you heard - time flies? Tulsi now has two grown children, a son and a daughter. Actually not. Because the son is not hers but the fallout of a rape…er, sorry to disappoint, but Tulsi didn't get raped, her cousin did. So, actually Tulsi has one real and one adopted child. (Not counting the son that she gave away.) Actually not, because there was yet another son who was kidnapped from his cradle while Tulsi was busy making methi theplas and mysteriously landed up on the dahleez of an underworld don who brought him up. Now, just think. Isn't it the most natural thing for a mother-in-law-harassed, overworked 'mid-dull' class housewife to lose count of how many children she has had and misplace a few? Come on, ladies, hasn't it happened to all of us? It's no cakewalk being a Bharatiya nari.

And when you discover that your raised-by-an-underworld-don son is a varmint who has raped the wife of your husband's illegitimate son (who is actually legitimate because your hubby had amnesia at the time and didn't know what he was doing, na?), isn't it the most natural thing to take your pistol (available at your nearest Popatal Kirodimal kirana shop) and shoot the rat? Isn't it? Come on, ladies, hasn't it happened to all of us sometime or another? Don't we all know a Tulsi who has been kicked out of her house by her husband because he thinks she bumped off his meanie ol' mum when all she did was just help the old woman to kill herself? If that's not a day in the life of a Borivili bhabhi or a Bhandup bahu then what is?

I mean, will you not find a Prerna in every nukkad of Nalasopara, every galli of Goregaon? Married three times to…no, no; not to three different men. That's all old hat, silly, stuff that people like Liz Taylor do. Prerna has been married three times to two men, something that's almost as much the rage these days in 'mid-dull' class Malad as dhokla Manchurian and cocktail khakras. Which results in eight children, adopted, legitimate, illegitimate, semi-legitimate…who cares? Remember apna Ash appearing on the Oprah Winfrey show as a representative of all Indian women? Well, Prerna was the original invitee but had to decline. It's not easy trying to get your first husband married off for the fourth time as the son of his second wife by her first husband tries to put a spanner in the works (he is married to your second husband's daughter by his first wife's sister) and your rapist son-in-law is trying to bump off your daughter. All the while looking not a day older than when you had your roop tera mastana moment with your second husband and conceived your first son...

It's not easy. But then, whoever said that the lot of us Bharatiya naris ever was? Oprah Winfrey once famously said that she is Every Woman, only with better shoes. Our TV saas-bahus are every Bharatiya nari, with better chandelier earrings.

Which only leaves one other issue. The resolution of which will have seismic implications on the future of all Indian women. Three years ago, through true grit and determination and tutorials from our sweetie-pie Shah Rukh Khan, we all figured out how to pronounce Kkusum. The time has now come to figure out how to pronounce the Kii in Kahaani Ghar Ghar Kii. Not forgetting Kahiin in Kahiin To Hoga...