I'm having dinner with sharks. There are two of them, neither of which is at the moment paying me the kind of attention that I am to them. The black tip Reef Shark is small, viviparous. The spotted Zebra Shark is prized for its contribution to the popularity of shark fin soup! Zip, zap…they swim through shoals of brightly coloured Fusiliers, Blue Lined Snappers, Black Spotted Sweet Lips, Soldier Fish and Parrot Fish with their startling beaks. Into this kaleidoscopic canvas, zoom the Batfish.

None of us are as blind as bats. All of us - wide-eyed and spiffily togged up - are seated in the world's one and only underwater restaurant, in the world's one and only seven-star hotel, in the world's only desert kingdom that has no oil revenue but is being archly textured and architectured as the world's most futuristic city. This is the Dubai that only the world's conspicuously wealthy glide through - the Dubai that only a financial genius could have thought of as an idea. An idea that is on its way to becoming a reality.

Breathe, breathe in the air. You might as well. You're paying for it. The temperature controlled and air-filtered air in the Al Mahara Restaurant at the Burj Al Arab Hotel (please speak the name in suitably hushed tones) comes with a tag. It's all built into the addition, which you will be presented with after dessert. Or, after the rarest Armagnac. Breathe, baby, breathe.

I am breathing in the bouquet of a Chateau Robine 2003 Cru Classe. To my right sits Loret Oberholzer, to my left Robyn James O'Connor. Straight ahead, my hypnotised gaze encompasses the sharks and the other fish, for all of whom, life in this aquarium restaurant is one long, satisfied swim.

It should be. It is after all, one of the world's most expensive private aquariums, managed by the National Marine Aquarium based in Plymouth, Britain's biggest public aquarium. Here in Dubai, they run a kitchen where each day, one of their highly paid aquarists spends four hours just preparing food for the day - different diets, ranging from mussels, shrimps, prawns, squids for the individual specimens. Some pampered fish are even fed by hand.

At the Al Mahara, Armani aficionados sip wine, dine. It's a hard life, to try not to look like Alice in Wonderland. One must conduct oneself, as if to the manor born. Or what will the very Gallic Gilles, the bow-tied, one-eyebrow, firmly pointed upwards, maître d', think of you?

Quick, put your nose to the glass. Jean-Michel Thomas awaits my reaction. Only 3000 bottles were produced in 2003 of Chateau Roubine's Cru Classe and Monsieur Thomas (one of the world's top ten sommeliers), mysteriously got his hands on a couple of dozen. Tonight, having met an equally passionate wine-lover, moi, he's in an expansive mood. Named after Philippe Reboud, who won the Epee Championship in 2003, this hugely aromatic wine, a blend of Ugni Blanc, Clairette and Marsanne grapes is a delicious counterpoint to the different textures of Atlantic Lobster that have just been served on a platter. Lobster Brulée, Lobster Tails, Lobster Pâté. In the bread basket, Squid Ink Bread, anchovy Rolls, Rosemarie Truffle Bread dotted with Almonds, Seaweed Lavache beg to be devoured.

Desire, temptation, seduction are mantras that this emerging new Dubai is building its future on. Hedonism in the desert? Not so ridiculous in a mirage materialised, fed and fattened by international Euros and dollars. Forget air-conditioned malls brimming with global goodies, forget camel rides in the desert, ditto strolling in the souks. That's for the starry-eyed tourist, as passé as Britney Spears, as common as caviar.

The Dubai that's going to be 2010 is already hosting International Film Festivals where Hollywood A-Listers like Cameron Diaz, Morgan Freeman, Bill Murray are put up in 15K a night suites. The Dubai that is 2006, that has never known rain beyond a few centimetres, has got itself the ultimate fantasy: 6000 tonnes of snow in a cavernous 22,500 square metre space. Surreal? You ain't seen nothing yet if you haven't seen Ski Dubai.

The temperature inside may be as frosty as Norway's fjords, but man-made mist, scattered with minute ice particles, forms genuine snow…which falls on your face as soft as flakes that take your breath away. (Especially if you're not wearing those warm jackets and boots supplied at the reception). Your kids can sculpt an igloo in the children's play area, while you slalom down any of the five separate runs. You choose. There's a beginner's slope. There's the 400 metre indoor black run. Take a deep breath. Whoooosh. Don't break a leg. If your piste practice is less than perfect, vent your frustration in the snowball target range. Cool.

Or as chilled as the second wine Jean-Michel has paired to accompany the pan seared scallops, sautéed aubergine and olive tepinade. Called Explorer, this Chardonnay from Chile's Maipo Valley, is a limited edition by Concha Y Toro, oaked for six months and a hot favourite of Al-Mahara's regulars. All of whom, however wealthy or well-connected they may be, must have prior bookings to get a table here. A month's advance notice ensures you won't get a polite apology at the other end of the telephone. Impressed?

Your muscles will be. Impressed, that is. When you submit your body to that other decadence. A spa treatment. More and more men are doing it now. Allowing their bodies to be scrubbed and rub-a-dub-dubbed. Then soaped down with oil infused black Moroccan soap, until your skin won't even remember what dirt feels like. Next on the treatment? A relaxing massage where you say hello to muscles you did not even know existed. Had enough? Good. Now go and lie down in the relaxation room, where others like you are also reminiscing on what they've just gone through. And paid 300 Dhs for. At the One & Only Royal Mirage.

All sorts of indulgence options are available in Dubai. Each one, the last word in decadence. Necessary. But decadent. Like the Sixth Sense's Spa (Madinat Jumeirah, Arabian Resort) solution to your jet lag. Dhs 450 will buy you a long sumptuous massage, including expert acupressure on the soles of your feet. Two hours later, you'll believe your body has rebalanced itself. Dhs 700 will get you the mother of all facials at Vie-Collection Hydra System Facial Care (Grosvenor House, Sufouh Road). Or fork out exactly half that amount for the Royal Aquamarine Facial Treatment Centre at Hotel Shangri-La. Greet your face with ooh-la-la after 80 minutes.

Then head out at night for another kind of ooh-la-la. Direct your limo, rented or otherwise, in the direction of the Dubai Marina. Make sure the security outside the Grosvenor House Hotel notice your arrival. Check your Hermès bling baubles, smoothen your Durazi and swish into Dubai's most happening place. The Buddha Bar. The recently arrived sibling to the famous one in Paris. Everything is BIGGER in capital letters. Bigger venue. Bigger Buddha statue. Bigger party alcoves. Bigger chandeliers. Bigger dining area. Bigger credit cards needed. For that vintage champagne at Dhs 10,000 a pop. You can commandeer the entire sushi counter. You can stiletto on top of the kilometre long bar! Whatever you do, don't remind yourself that the Buddha opposed materialism. When in Dubai, don't think.Just swing.