Okay, people, what the hell is a prêt line? Which more or less says all that there is to be said about my fashionableness quotient. But let me elaborate.

You're thinking this is going to be a sour grapes piece because Manish Malhotra didn't ask me instead of Kajol and Preity Zinta to walk the ramp wearing his…omigosh, I don't even know the name of his collection. But I know that Sabyasachi Mukherjee's collection is called "The Snail". I heard Sabyasachi explain to Sreenivasan Jain in an interview on NDTV why he chose that name. It all sounded terribly intellectual and arty but I didn't understand a word then and I can't remember a word now. However, I do remember thinking one possible reason would be that everyone - or at least unfashionable plates like me - will be so puzzled by the name that they will remember it. And see, I do. "The Snail". Lovely. I'm told his earlier collection was called "Frog Princess". Maybe I can call my collection "The Dung Beetle". Or how about "The Karela"? Or then just simply "Loofah"? Anyway, no need to rush as the next LIFW (in Internet chat rooms, that would probably be a very rude set of alphabets to say to your chat buddy) is a while away and my chances of becoming anything close to a fashion designer a tad further. But do send in your entries anyway because the winning entry will get a year's supply of whatever it is that you name my collection after. For obvious reasons, names like Penthouse-in-Malibu and Brad Pitt will be disqualified.

Talking of names, I'm secretly glad that I don't wear Sabyasachi's clothes. (Though I'm sure he's going to beg me to the minute we meet.) Because what would I call him every time I pop into his er, studio is it and we air kiss? Can't be "Sabyasachi" because I'd trip over it dreadfully every time and sprain my tongue. Which would be both embarrassing and inconvenient because then how would I tell him that ecru isn't really my colour or that we should go slow and give the over-dyed crochet a skip as a choice of material for the underwear to go with my outfits for the Aishwarya-Abhishek wedding. (They're getting married? Dunno, really. But no harm in being prepared.) Oh, dear, I should have said "lingerie", yes? Only people in baniyan ads say "underwear" and only mustachioed wardens of girls' hostels wear them, right? I might as well have said chaddi or kachcha....