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Bogeys Or Birdies?
Illustration by Farzana Cooper
Published: Volume 13, Issue 5, September-October, 2005
Like a piece of pink cotton candy amongst grizzly old pineapples, I stand up and prepare to take my first shot. I haven’t yet understood, how a person manages to perfect the art of shoving a tee into the disagreeable earth, whilst managing to balance the ball simultaneously on the tee, in a quick and fluid motion.

Lush green grass, water that changes from emerald to blue with the play of light and cloud, pure white beaches, tanned, bronzed bodies basking in the sand – where else would this first game of golf be unparalleled and eternal? Sitanshi Talati-Parikh indulges in the high life as she tries to swing a mean tee under a Mauritian sun

I think it all started last year when I went on a vacation to a golf resort with my husband and his family. I always believed it inconceivable: keeping to a ‘propah’ dress code to chase a tiny ball around acres of expensive land with a bunch of metal sticks that had to have been branded with special names and types by someone very bored or simply mad. Anyway, I spent my days as a recluse – devouring tons of books and swimming – while the entire family pottered around the golf course and drank beer, discussing creatures like eagles and other birdies (golf terms, apparently). In moments of quiet desperation, when I felt the need to be a part of this whole ‘vacation,’ I took to driving the golf cart around and counting sheep.

I regaled myself with the pretentiousness of the whole thing, all for the serene pleasure of whacking a stupid ball. Wouldn’t tennis serve quite the same purpose? Take a walk in a garden after that if you really want to stroll through the lawns and fields! The little pot-belly that most golfers sported, hardly made it out to be the weight-buster of choice. Or maybe it was merely the gallons of beer consumed after a ‘gruelling’ game?

At the discreet and calculated mention of the fact that, ‘I am now “into golf”’, I sardonically elicited the very reaction I used to (and continue to) mock: the sharp intake of breath, the raised eyebrow, the quick re-assessment of my net worth and the instant rise in stature in the eyes of the beholder. Humbugs, all! I was now in the select and very nose-up-in-the-air circle that discussed the rise and fall of the Sensex while planning their perfect shot.

My husband and I began scouring the atlas for our next vacation. Mauritius it was. Golf for him and beaches for me! How did one capture the excitement of what holds forth, of the sparkle of sunshine on emerald green water, of the greener than green golf greens, of the swaying palms and lilting music…. and the sheer nervousness of playing that Game for the first time in a foreign land. What would be better: to ridicule oneself in front of fellow countrymen or to do it in front of mocking foreigners?

Checking into our hotel, I reviewed the various golf courses on the island. The choice was good – it was going to be an interesting week. From 9-hole courses at Troux Aux Biches, Le Saint Géran and Maritim, to a few excellent 18-hole courses like Paradis and Belle Mare Plage; and crown jewel of all jewels being the fabulous new golf course, on its very own fairy tale island at Ile Aux Cerfs: The One&Only Le Touessrok Golf Course.

With the deep sense of certainty that one felt before the decision of a lifetime, I knew that I had no choice but to check out the various championship links that had been designed by world-class designers. I had come this far. I had to see it through. How did an amateur like me take to a game like golf? Like a sinking fish to Mauritian water, I would like to believe. Armed with the gadgets of golf warfare (including a lot of sunscreen), I set off determinedly to conquer my first set of 9 holes. Like a piece of pink cotton candy – pink visor, pink T-shirt with a white collar (pun not intended), white capris with pink pin stripes, white shoes – amongst grizzly old Pineapples, I stood up, put on my golf glove and prepared to take my first shot.

Regular Verve contributor, Sitanshi Talati-Parikh, is currently working on the publication of her literary pieces on ‘Indian Drama in America’. She has recently moved back to Mumbai from the US. Besides wringing her hands at golf, she enjoys popping out for a wicked bit of travel.

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