When we turn off our conscience, a curtain appears between us and our real self. We are no longer in touch with ourselves. Our feelings deaden, and our levels of empathy and sympathy shrink

For those 20-somethings taking their first independent steps on the tightrope walk of life, Suma Varughese picks out five hypotheses and demonstrates the best way of hanging in there, without losing your moral balance.

There’s nothing as baffling as life, especially when you are just starting off your independent course at 20 or 21. Questions, dilemmas and choices swamp you as you struggle to set the compass of your life. Why should you follow your conscience when everyone around you seems to be thriving without it? What is good and what is bad? How does one become successful without compromising on values? Is there a way of getting through the tightrope walk of life without falling into divorce, failure or addiction? Why do bad things happen to good people? How can you change your personality or are you stuck with who you are?

If you are grappling with these questions, welcome. Let me tell you how life at 46 appears to me. If there’s anything from it that you can take away, do so, but remember that to be truly meaningful, you must experience these truths for yourself. What I shall state are a series of hypotheses, which you get to prove or disprove in the course of your life.

Hypothesis One: This is my favourite, the one that makes me sing with joy and give thanks in the middle of the night. We live in an ethical universe. Yes we do. Absolutely. Your friends may think it cool to lie or cheat at exams; your elders may think nothing of giving or taking bribes; you may have seen people swarm up the ladder by climbing on the carcass of others or college professors taking credit for what is not their work. Take it from me, none of this works in the long run. As a matter of fact, it does not even work in the short run, but the punishment in the short run is so subtle that we don’t register it even if it happens to us.

When we do something that goes against our sense of right, we try and silence our noisy conscience by ignoring it or suppressing it under a stream of mind chatter. When we turn off our conscience, a curtain appears between us and our real self. We are no longer in touch with ourselves. Our feelings deaden, and our levels of empathy and sympathy shrink. We lose the real joy of life, the joy of being completely at peace with ourselves.

In the long run, the punishment is far more overt. The man who makes a sucker out of the world ends up usually broke in the long run, for he has run out of people to fool. The girl, who cheated to get into medicine, finds her practice as a doctor unfulfilling and wonders why patients don’t come to her. The bribe taker will find that money runs through his hands faster than he can accumulate it, and so on.

Of course, there will be some wrongdoing for which we can find no ostensible punishment, but the hand of fate is subtle and far-flung, often vaulting lifetimes. You may have heard of the law of karma which asserts that there is a consequence to everything that we do. This is so indeed. The circumstances of our lives and our destiny itself is determined by our past karma. So no one gets away with anything. You do good, you reap good. You do bad, you reap bad. Isn’t that a great feeling? There is absolute justice in the universe and therefore, absolute justification for doing the right thing.

Hypothesis Two: Right and wrong depends on the motivation of our action. It’s not easy to figure out what is good and what is bad. Telling a lie is deplorable but when your best friend cooks her first meal ever and it’s inedible, it would be cruel to tell her the truth. Giving charity is great in principle, but when it is done with the intention of creating a sense of superiority in the donor, then its consequences on the receiver are damaging. You may have the best intentions in the world, but telling your friend that her taste in people and clothes is deplorable is not the best way of putting it. It will hurt her and make her feel put down. Examine consequences and you will learn the subtle twists and turns of righteous behaviour. Examine your motivation. Always make sure that what you do is not prompted by selfish interests. This is not always possible but the more you become aware of your motivation, the less easy it will be to fool yourself and the purer your motivation.

Hypothesis Three: This thing called life is meant to work. A man called Werner Erhard used this line when he designed his transformational workshops, ‘est’ and Forum. And he’s right. Life will work if we know how to make it work. It is governed by laws, which, like the physical laws of gravity, are absolute and intransigent. Abiding by these laws allows us to live easily and effortlessly. Disobeying them creates friction and suffering. It’s not easy to summarise these laws because they are complex and take time to explain but here are a few:

1. We create our own reality: This is a basic spiritual truth. By the thoughts we think, we create the words and actions that determine our destiny. If we think the world is a good place and that people are generally decent, we will speak and act in a particular way that will confirm our convictions. Conversely, if we believe we will have a bad day, we will speak and act in a way to confirm that too.

2. What you resist, persists. If mice scare you and you are terrified of heights, you will find yourself constantly facing mice and heights. There’s a reason for this. We have taken human manifestation in order to grow. This means we have to work our way through all fears and prejudices and other limitations.

3. Give what you want. Want love? Give love. Want appreciation? Give it generously to those around you. Want money? Learn to be generous with the little you have and prosperity may woo you. Remember, what goes around, comes around. Keep the good things circulating.

4. The universe is receptive to your wishes and wants. Through positive affirmations and creative visualisation, you can create what you want. Be responsible with this power. Remember that if you ask for what is not good for you or not in the larger interests, the consequences for you will not be favourable.

Hypothesis Four: Bad things happen to good people for two reasons. One is karma. The other is the universal imperative to grow. We cannot always govern what happens to us. Accidents and tragedies befall the best of us. But we can always control how we respond to these situations. We can use these adverse situations as an instrument of growth, or we can use them to crumble and collapse. The wise ones choose the first option and so they end up in the finishing line of life with their energy, enthusiasm and life force undiminished, radiant with the joy of life. Those are the ones in the know. Hunt them out and ask them to teach you how to live. There is so much to be learnt from the elderly.

Hypothesis Five: You can transform yourself absolutely. No one is stuck with the same old stale personality unless they choose to. Law number one in Hypothesis Three gives us the clue. We create our reality by the thoughts we think. Change the way you think and you change yourself and your destiny. This is not easy but it is possible. You will require to do steadfast spiritual practice to bring this about. Meditation, perhaps, or chanting or deep breathing. Gradually over time, the contents of your mind reveal themselves to you. By patiently increasing your awareness and your acceptance of yourself, you will change the heavy impressions of being lazy or selfish or argumentative or whatever. Other qualities manifest within. Eventually, you will find that your personality is made up of nothing but conditioning and that the real you is nothing but what you really want to be.

Suma Varughese, a regular Verve contributor, is the managing editor of Life Positive magazine.