Ash went to Cannes, and we preened for it was once again India’s turn to twirl in the spotlight, doomed ghagra and all. Periodically we bloom as Madonna discovers mehndi and Sanskrit shlokas, Bend It Like Beckham fever sweeps the Alliance, Indian Curry Strikes Back as the Anglo national favourite, yoga asanas relax the world, chamma chamma blinks in Moulin Rouge and the ad world conquers with its armload of medals at the 50th Cannes Advertising Festival. Indian culture is discovered and we feel we count. And then the spotlight moves on. And we wilt. Lagaan made it to the Oscar top five but failed to win, Devdas never came close. India is discussed for its riotous nature. Fijian Vijay Sinh cribs about women teeing off at men’s Professional Golfers’ Association events and the foreign press chuckles about his cultural bogey of residual Indian chauvinism. And we flounder between Sinh’s talent and his mindset. Our self esteem, it seems, is largely imported.

Looking in from the outside, we are lofty and impoverished at the same time. Remember that Salman Khan dhoti ’n’ jacket number: ‘East-ya-west. India is the best’. Yo. When India meets the West, we smile slightly. Ours is the oldest religion. Or should that be civilisation? Our culture is far superior. Loose living, Western style, chee chee. Family values? That’s Indian culture. Descendants in the land of the Kama Sutra and backless cholis have morphed themselves as culture police. We are like this only, especially in the context of the other a.k.a. as the shameless West. And among others a.k.a. Indi-genous sub culture, minor culture, major culture, akhand Bharat culture, pan-Indian culture. How far can we trace our cultural strains and where? Is the dominant culture mainly the media-promoted variety and does media promote that which most benefits its purveyors? Is it mainly film-driven and politically muscled? Is our culture stamped by the Punjabi kitsch of the Chopras and the Johars or Southern conservatism? What is Indian culture drawn from the East and West within the border? Is our culture Organic? Or evolving? Or completely frozen in the webcams of the Abroad berthed, Culturally desi?