My life is on constant warp speed. Days blur into months; months blur into years. I eat, talk, walk and probably even sleep in a blink, literally. The trouble: I find it almost impossible to sit still. The last time I felt truly delightful, an expensive spa treatment was involved. Surely, I needed another option.

November 2
Four weeks ago, my cousin suggested an online-course in meditation.
Like a woodpecker pecking on a skull, she finally got into my brain to tell me ‘I’ve got to do this’. So, here I am, filling a three-page long registration form that repeatedly asks the same questions.

November 4
A customised welcome kit arrives in an e-mail. It says all I need is 20-minutes, six days a week and I’m sorted. Good, I’ll breeze through it.

November 15
I should have seen this coming. The website keeps sending me repeated reminders (three per day, at least). I give in to their persuasion!

Exercise one
Mountain visualisation
Sit erect on the floor, close eyes, imagine a mountain.
Doable. Think lush trees laden with peaches and apples and a dollop of snow at the peak. Lovely.
Okay. Maybe fruit trees weren’t such a great idea. My mind went thought-hoping, thinking about the waxed apples at the supermarket I didn’t buy; of which I could have made an apple pie; but I don’t have the recipe. Oh no, I had to e-mail my mom’s biryani recipe to my friend’s sister. Maybe I should be e-mailing instead of sitting on the floor thinking of a mountain - which reminds me that I am supposed to be sitting on the mat thinking of the mountain, which makes me mad at me for letting my mind wander. I’m done! Two minutes, or maybe less.

November 20
Okay no fruit trees this time. Guess it is working. But just as I imagined becoming one with that beautiful treeless-mountain, a fly kept buzzing near my left ear and I’m done. Seriously, what’s the point in being as brawny as a mountain when a minuscule fly, 1/10000th your size can ‘bug’ you!

November 22
Next exercise: Body scan. It is 20 minutes (again) of carefully focusing on your body parts. The exercise begins with the left big toe and, regrettably, in my case, it often ends there.

November 24
Skip to exercise ten
Take a few slow, conscious breaths to bring attention back to NOW. Super easy I think. Two deep breaths later, I think of how much chemical, pollutant and toxins I’ve inhaled. Maybe I’m paranoid but I think my lung hurts already. Stop. Breathe normal.

Lessons learnt
1. Meditation is not a quick-fix-20-minute-thingy. And it is certainly not for the faint hearted.
2. Meditation may enhance your focus but you need to focus on it in the first place to stay focussed. Too convoluted.

November 25
Read this Buddha quote in a forwarded e-mail: ‘When your mind is disturbed, just let it be’. For now, that’s what I’m going to do…I’ll just ‘let it be’....

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